I'm Kissing It Better
by LovinoRomaVargas
Summary: No one cared for me…right? Everyone loved Feliciano better…right? / "Te Amo." "You Promise?" Kissing it Better RE-WRITE Trust me much more detailed this time.Focused on Spamano.
1. Abuse

I pushed down the blade, sliding it across my arm. I winced lightly, as blood poured from the deep cut left there. I just now noticed the pain, despite my will not to, tears started to well in my eyes. Quickly, I grabbed a bunch of tissues, placing them over the few cuts I had made, the scissors lying on the floor, blood on its blade.

_ No one cared for me…right?_

_Everyone loved Feliciano better…right?_

_I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either._

I tensed as I heard a crash from downstairs; I quickly pulled down my sleeve making sure everything was well hidden. I ran downstairs nearly tripping, my hazel eyes widening as I saw Feliciano picking up shards of glass from the floor, shards from Grandpa Romulus' favorite vase.

"Ah! Fratello will you clean this up for me?"

""Tch! Why should I clean the mess you made?"

"Please Fratello…Luddy is waiting for me, and plus I don't want to be late for school."

Feliciano gave his best puppy dog eyes; I guess it was fine if Grandpa didn't wake up. I really did not want to be blamed for this.

"Fine." I murmured, frowning.

"Grazie Fratello!" Feliciano shouted as I watched him grab his schoolbag and run outside.

I sighed, reaching down starting to pick up the pieces of broken glass.

I had almost all pf the shards picked up when my eyes widened, a hand tangling its fingers in my hair and bashing my head against the wall. I was thrown to the ground, almost like a child throwing a broken toy. I gasped, coughing up blood as my stomach was kicked repeatedly, hard. A hand wrapped around my throat, shoving me on the wall, holding me in place, the hold on my neck tightening.

"Who broke my vase?" The voice was harsh, it sent a shiver up my spine and as if it had a mind of its own, my body began to tremble.

_No matter how many times this happens…I'll never get used to this._

I managed to speak, "Feliciano." I knew he wouldn't believe me, and he would never hurt Feli anyway.

"Blaming this on my little Angel…Feli would not be this clumsy."

Another punch to my stomach and I fell to the ground.

"Clean it up."

I choked back tears, and finished cleaning the broken glass, grabbing my bag and running out the door.

I managed to get to school before the bell rang, quickly putting my stuff away, only grabbing what I needed. I headed to my first class, Math. I sat in my usual seat, close to the window. I didn't have any friends; it's not as if I needed any.

I was perfectly fine being alone, friends were a waste of time. I didn't pay attention at all during math class; I could never understand the shit anyway. I was much to focused on what had happened this morning, my stomach hurt like hell from being hit so many times, it didn't help that I had to run all the way here. I was soon pulled from my thoughts as the French Bastard leaned up against my desk.

"Bonjour Lovino, thinking of accepting my offer right?" he smiled at me.

"Far from it bastard."

"Aww Lovino why won't you go on a date with me?"

"Because you a perverted French bastard."

"I think someone is just playing hard to get, Oui?"

A loud smack echoed throughout the room, Francis held his cheek that was not red and throbbing from the impact. He made his way over to Gilbert's desk.

"Gilbert! Lovino rejected me again!"

"I have no idea why you insist on getting a date with him. He's a brat and so un-awesome."

"What can I say I have a thing for hot-headed Italians."

"Why don't you try his brother Feli? He's so cute, not as cute as my Mattie but…you get the point."

"I would but he is dating your brother and Ludwig would kill me if I went near him. So cruel. So therefore his brother is the next best thing."

"Francis…Why do you look so upset?" Antonio questioned as he joined the two.

"He's upset that Lovino rejected him again." Gilbert said bluntly.

Antonio would never tell Francis but he was actually glad Lovino had always rejected him.

"Well amigo maybe you should just give up. Why don't you try that British guy…Arthur I think his name was?"

"Oui, I'll try."

As the bell rang everyone rushed to get to class, just wanting to get the day over with already. I headed to my locker, gathering my things for the next class. I shut my locker about to head to Literature class.

"Lovi~!"

"What the fuck do you want tomato bastard?"

"Sit by me at lunch?"

"No." I spoke immediately, I did not want to be by any of those bastards during lunch.

My morning classes had actually gone by quickly for the most part, it was now lunch time. I was starving since I didn't get the chance to eat breakfast and didn't have time to grab food. I sat at a table by myself, in the corner of the lunchroom, lost in thought. I leaned forward slightly as someone through something at my head.

_Bastards…_

Feliciano was sitting at a table with that fucking potato bastard he calls his boyfriend, and this Japanese guy, I believe his name was Kiku.

_And here I am, at an empty table in the corner of the lunchroom._

_No one cares about me, It's always been Feli, Grandpa Romulus prefers Feli, Everyone at school prefers Feli._

_When will I get the attention? Never. He's more attractive than me. He's smarted than me. He's more social than I am. Doesn't anyone realize I have feelings –and ears- too?_

_That can't be Feliciano's brother, He can't be related to that angel._

_He's so rude, Not like Feli._

_Feli is so much better._

I was pulled from my thoughts as when I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around.

"Hola Lovi! I noticed you didn't get lunch, why?"

"Don't have the money for it, Bastard."

"Well here, I'll let you have one of my tomatoes."

"Why are you so happy?" I mumbled, taking the tomato from him and biting into it, soon enough it was gone.

"Why shouldn't I be?" He smiled.

"Because there is nothing to be fucking happy about."

He stared at me.

"What?"

"Lovi, your so cute~"

"Bastard I'm not cute!"

_Such words are saved for Fratello…_

"Si, you are!"

"Bastard get away from me."

"Okay Lovi…."

I watched as he walked away.

"Stupid bastard…saying such things." I mumbled to myself.

The bell rang signaling the end of the day, I exited the school building, heading to the hell I called home.


	2. Filthy

I began walking home. I did not want to go home, but I had nowhere else to go. I got to the front door just as it began to get dark. I walked through the door, only to see my idiot Fratello and the stupid potato bastard making out on the couch.

Disgusting, I thought. I headed towards the small kitchen we had and opened the fridge, trying my best not to yell at them. I did not want to deal with my brothers' bullshit today. I grabbed the ripest tomato I could find, and ran upstairs to my room, shutting the door.

I picked up my laptop from the floor, opening it and logging on to Facebook. I checked my messages, and immediately regret doing so.

_…3 new messages…_

_Kill yourself._

_Emo._

_Go cut yourself, Faggot._

A loud clatter echoed throughout my room as I pushed my laptop off the bed it falling on the floor. I didn't care if it was broken at the moment. I ran into the bathroom that branched off from my room and locked the door. Turning on the shower, I let the hot water cascade down my body for a minute.

Then, the tears came. They ran down my cheeks and dropped to the shower floor as I pushed the blade on my arm, cutting over scars. All the tears I had held back for so long.

_Why? Why the fuck am I hated so much? Why does everyone hate me so much? Why does Nonno Romulus hate me so much? _

_Aren't you supposed to treat family equally? Am I less than Feliciano? Could he tell that just by looking at me? So what I can't grasp people as well as he does. _

_Maybe I'm not as social as he is. It's not my fault! I thought I'd get used to it, but I'll never get used to this. I'll never be good enough for anyone will I? Why? Why me?_

_Three messages._

_Three cuts._

_A thousand reasons._

I slowly washed the blood away as my tears dried. Sluggishly moving to turn the shower off, the water now so cold my skin turned red. I bandaged my cuts and threw a black hoodie on. I pulled my Ipod from my bag putting it on shuffle.

I fixed my laptop placing it neatly on the floor and climbed into bed, still feeling the stinging sensation from my cuts. I fell asleep soon enough to the sound of the music, the singers' voice in my head.

_…You may feel alone when you're falling asleep_

_And every time tears roll down your cheeks_

_But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet_

_Someday You Will Be Loved…_

* * *

"Feli go wake your brothers' lazy ass up."

_It hurt…It did, But I could never show that weak side of me. I couldn't show that to Feli. Therefore, I replaced it with a different emotion before Feliciano could see, Anger._

"Lovino! Nonno says you should wake up now, Ve~" he smiled at me.

_Always trying to protect me from his harsh words…I can't hate you. Even though I should._

"Yeah whatever. Just get the fuck out of my room Idiota."

"Okay ciao Fratello~!"

I reached over to turn off my Ipod that had been playing all through the night. And winced as my cuts reopened, blood seeping through the bandages. Some of the blood had dripped to the floor, causing me to worry not wanting anymore to stain the floor. I jumped out of bed, rushing to the bathroom and yanking my sleeve up.

I untied the bandages so I could stop the blood properly, I quickly placed my arm under the flowing water, yanking it back as the water was boiling hot. I turned the handle to cold, trying to stop the bleeding. After a minute or so, I pulled my sleeve down.

"Lovino! Get your ass down here!"

I ran downstairs to see what it was the bastard wanted.

"What the fuck do you want?"

Slap. I fell to the floor, prepared for another hit.

"Is that how you fucking speak to me?"

"Actually, yes it is bastard."

What I was doing I had no idea. My language was only going to get me more hits. I couldn't stop though, I was angry. I was yanked up by my arm, causing all of my cuts to reopen, I struggled trying to force back the pained scream that so badly wanted to be released.

"Don't you ever speak to me like that again. Got it?"

I didn't respond, to focused on the pain in my arm.

"I said, got it?"

he tightened his grasp on my arm, my cuts bleeding badly.

"G-Got it."

The moment he let go of my arm, I ran out the door. I didn't know where I was headed, I didn't care. I just wanted to get away from the place. I ran for as long as I could but soon started walking.

Where was I? I heard footsteps behind me and started to walk faster. I yelped as I was pulled into an alleyway. My hands were held over my head and I squirmed, trying to break free of the grasp.

"Bonjour Lovino, Did you miss me?" A deep voice whispered in my ear, A French accent. Francis.

"French bastard! Get the fuck off me!" I began thrashing, but soon stopped when I felt a cold blade pushed against my throat.

"I won't hurt you Lovino. Well, as long as you give me what I want."

"And what would that be bastard?"

"Why isn't it obvious? I want you Lovino." He purred into my ear, my eyes widened and I began trembling, despite my efforts not to look weak.

"Bastard get off me!" I kicked him in the shin, his grip on my arms tightened and I winced.

"That wasn't a smart idea Lovino."

My hazel eyes widened in fear as he started to rip off my clothes. Tears rolled down my cheeks.

"No…No...Please…" I whimpered softly.

"Shut up."

He placed his lips on mine roughly, I bit his lip, trying to get him to stop. He pulled back, blood dripping from his bottom lip. I bit my lower lip, trying to keep from screaming as he entered me. I could feel him inside me, it sickened me.

Pain went shooting up my spine, it hurt like hell. But what hurt even more was the fact that Francis was the one doing this. I felt something drip down my thigh, blood.

"S-So tight…" he whispered.

A pained scream ripped through my throat as he began thrusting inside me.

"Don't scream Lovino. You wouldn't want to ruin our fun would you?"

"G-Go to hell." I managed to choke out.

"Oh? What do we have here?"

I felt his fingers run over my cuts. After what seemed like forever, he finally released and pulled out. He grabbed my arm, I felt the blade pushed against it and made a small yelp as he started carving into my arm. After he was finished writing, blood gushed from the wound.

He ran away after he had dropped me to the ground. I looked at my arm. My eyes filling with tears as I read it. Slut. My clothes were ripped and I barely even had a shirt left, I put on my pants despite the blood running down my thighs. After I had finished crying, I got up slowly limping home.

* * *

I had finally made it home, it was well past midnight. I cleaned myself not daring to look at the wound on my arm as I cleaned it. I got on my bed curling up into a ball, despite the pain it caused me, finally looking at my arm again_._

_Slut._

That's all I was. A Slut. A Dirty Whore, for a perverted Frenchman. That's when realization hit me. I was raped and it was my fault…wasn't it?

_Slut…Dirty Whore. You let this happen. You weren't strong enough. You let him take you virginity. Filthy…your Filthy_


	3. Revealed

The sunlight shone in through the window, blinding me since I had forgotten to close the curtains. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep, but you can't exactly do that when your grandpa beats you if you don't go to school and its 6:30am on a Monday morning. Groaning, I tried to get out of bed, it taking me a few times since every time I move pain racks my entire body. Sluggishly I made my way to the bathroom branched off from my room, and turned on the shower. I pulled my clothes off and stepped into the shower that was when I saw it. Carved into my arm.

_Slut._

What happened yesterday came rushing back to me, hitting me like a ton of bricks. I collapsed onto the shower floor, the water raining down on me mixing in with my tears.

_ …N-No…That didn't happen…It was a nightmare…Just a nightmare…_

However, no matter how much I had denied it, I knew it was true. No matter how many times I repeated it in my head, it was true. The cut on my arm and the pain going through my entire being was proof enough…I was raped. I slowly got up from the floor, cleaning myself.

I turned the shower off and put clean clothes on, I really didn't care what I looked like at the moment. I walked downstairs, well limped I guess you could say, and headed to school.

_ …Stupid School… _

I took my seat as class begun, lost in my thoughts. I tried to forget about yesterday, but my mind just kept wandering back to it.

_Slut. Filthy Whore. It's your fault; all of this is your fault._

I flinched as someone tapped my shoulder, scared of who it might be.

"Lovi the bell rang…first hour is over."

"Oh…"

I began to pack up my work from this class, putting all papers in my bag.

"Is something wrong?"

I watched as he looked at me, eyes filled with concern, I didn't need any damn sympathy.

"No there is nothing wrong Idiota!"

I grabbed my thing hastily and got out of the room as fast as I could. I ran into the crowded hallway, slightly scared of all the people, they could see…I knew it.

I finally got to my locker, trying to open it, putting the combo in quickly, I froze as hands wrapped around my waist.

* * *

[Antonio's P.O.V.]

There had to be something wrong with Lovi, I knew it. I've never seen him look so scared, and he usually never flinches like that. Maybe I'm just imagining things, but he's also usually the first to leave class so why didn't he leave when the bell rang. I guess everyone has off days but…Hmm…I'll just make sure to talk to him later.

The hallways were empty.

I sighed; I'd probably be late to class. I stopped on my way to my locker when I saw Lovi and Francis. I thought Lovi hated Francis. What were they doing together?

"Let go French bastard."

"Now Lovino, that's no way to talk to your boyfriend."

Francis and Lovino were dating…since when?

"You mean rapist."

"Lovino you're so harsh, I didn't hear you complaining, Mon Cher."

"You had a fucking knife at my throat, what was I supposed to do?"

Francis...He…He raped Lovino?

* * *

I was scared, even though I tried not to show it. I kicked Francis in the shin, running into a bathroom stall. I let myself slide to the ground, sitting there for a few moments before I started sobbing. I gripped a pair of scissors, the ones I kept with me almost everywhere I go.

I don't want to die. I don't want to live. I don't remember a time before this. The blood, the pain, the beatings…

_So why don't you just end it? Why do you keep pretending like this? You will always be hated, No one will love you. So why do you continue to stay here…where you aren't wanted?_

_Why? Because I had hope, someone would love me…How stupid does that sound? _

_No one will ever love me…Filthy…Filthy whore…for a perverted Frenchman…for someone I don't love…Because the person I love would never love me._

_Unloved…this fit didn't it?_

* * *

[Antonio's .]

I came around the corner I had been hiding behind as I heard that, I walked up to Francis, my eyes filled with disbelief.

"Francis, You…You raped Lovi?"

"Ah Mon Ami…I would not say rape, I was simply spreading Mon Amour."

I watched as Francis fall to the ground from the impact of the punch, once he was down, I kicked his side harshly.

"Don't go near him again or there will be more from where that came from, Bastard."

After I said that, I ran into the bathroom where Lovi was.

"Lovino!" I pounded on the stall door.

* * *

I pushed the blade down harder, watching as blood poured from the wound. I didn't hear my name being yelled. I didn't hear the stall door open; I was too deep in my thoughts for that. However, I did feel it when arms wrapped around me, I shook violently thinking it was Francis.

"NO!"

I tried to push the person away but they just held me tighter.

"Lovi it's okay. It's just me."

_I knew that voice; I knew whom it belonged to. I didn't want him to see this side of me; I didn't want him to know about this side of me. At all._

I began squirming trying to break free of his embrace. I tried to push him away.

_No! No! D-Don't look at me…please don't look at me…I'm filthy…don't look._

I began to panic.

"G-Go away."

* * *

[Antonio's P.O.V.]

That was when I noticed, the cuts and the scars.

"Why did you do this Lovi…?"

"I told you to go away."

"Why did you do this?"

"None of your fucking business."

I placed kisses over his scars, hoping that maybe they would disappear…I knew they wouldn't.

"Bastard! What the fuck do you think your doing?"

"I'm kissing it better."

* * *

Tears welled in my hazel eyes, I was going to cry. I was going to cry in front of this bastard.

"Why did you do this Lovi?"

He pointed to the place where that French bastard carved into my skin.

"I Didn't." He gave me a confused look.

"F-Francis did it…W-when that happened…"

the tears began to fall, running down my cheeks. I could have sworn I saw anger flash in his eyes. However, I could be mistaken.

"Why this one?"

_…Unloved…_

"Because it's true…everyone prefers Feliciano over me…"

I felt his wipe tears from my eyes; I can't believe I was acting this vulnerable.

"It's not. I love you…Te Amo…"

I didn't hear that right…I didn't...Did I?

_Te Amo…_


	4. Love?

"Y-You don't mean that…"

I stuttered, looking at him in disbelief. My eyes widening as he quickly grasped my chin tilting it up, making me look at him, just as quickly capturing my lips in a gentle kiss. I was in shock. No one and I mean no one had ever kissed me before.

"W-What w-was that for?"

I stuttered once again, he just smiled before looking at me earnestly.

"I do mean it Lovi. I love you…so much."

He ignored my previous question, talking in a soft tone. I felt my cheeks heat up, turning red as I was suddenly picked up and carried bridal style. I thrashed around trying to get him to let me go, but he kept a tight grip. Not allowing me to escape.

"B-Bastard! What the hell do you think your doing!?"

He only laughed as I shouted, still squirming. I blushed yet again as it was probably the best sound I've ever heard, not that I would tell him that.

"Carrying Mi Tomate."

I looked up at him as he spoke, blushing as my brain processed what he just said.

"D-Did you just call me a fucking tomato?"

"Si!"

"Idiota…"

He smiled gently before looking away from me and continuing to walk, I was so busy thrashing and trying to get him to let me go, I didn't realize he had carried me out of the school building and into the parking lot. He finally let me go, carefully setting me down, I watched as he opened the door to a car, presumably his. He looked at me smiling.

"Get in Lovi!"

"And why the hell should I?"

"Please~?"

He gave me a puppy dog look, looking as if he was going to cry if I didn't getting the car.

"Fine." I mumbled, getting into the car. It was too late to go back to school anyway.

The whole car ride was quiet; I slumped in the seat starting to examine the damage I had made on my arm. It wasn't bleeding too badly. I dragged my finger over it, wincing slightly, which I'm pretty sure he noticed. We pulled into the driveway of a large looking house.

"Where are we?" I looked at the house curiously, suspecting it to be his.

"My house." He said, turning off the car and opening his door to get out, before coming to my side of the car and opening the car door for me. I got out of the car and we both walked to the front door. I watched as he fumbled with his keys before finally finding the one to the door and putting it in the keyhole to unlock it.

"Follow me Lovi!"

I rolled my eyes, giving an annoyed expression, did I have a choice? I followed him into his house, walking behind him slightly.

"Wont your parents wonder why you're not in school."

"Nope! Both my parents are at work."

He gently took my hand pulling me along as he walked down the hallway, leading me towards the bathroom.

"And why are we in here bastard?"

He completely ignored my question and told me to sit on the edge of the sink.

"Not until you answer my question bastard."

My cheeks took on a reddish hue as he picked me up and placed me on the edge of the sink, I crossed my arms, huffing. He turned away from me moving to open the closet and bringing down the first aid kit that was on the top shelf. He turned back to me after setting the first aid kit down and pulled my arm so it laid straight, then proceeding to lift my sleeve, exposing all the cuts and scars that were there.

He looked like he would cry. He went back to the closet grabbing a piece of clothe and peroxide, he poured some on the cloth.

"Lovi this might sting a bit."

He dabbed the cloth on my cuts, I winced as it stung more than I thought it would, after that he began to bandage my arm. He moved closer to me causing me to blush, he wrapped his arms around my wais tightly, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Please don't do this again, Lovi." He murmured, speaking softly in a sad tone.

"Why do you care so much?" I mumbled, seriously wondering why.

"I told you why…I love you. So, promise me you won't do this again?"

"Fine, I promise." I whispered shakily, not knowing if I should have promised something like that.

"Thank you…"

My eyes widened before fluttering closed as he kissed me once again. Once I realized what was happening I softly pressed back, blushing bright red as I was pulled closer, he pulled away after a few moments, resting his forehead against mine.

"Lovino…I do mean it when I say I love you."

My heart started beating so fast; he could probably hear it with how loud it was.

"I-I know…You can stop saying it now."

"But I want to make sure you know."

I pushed him off gently as he tried to kiss my cheek, I almost felt bad because he looked at me with a kicked puppy look. I jumped down from the edge of the sink, pulling my sleeve down.

"Uhm…Lovi?"

"What?"

"W-Will you go out with me?"

I turned away trying to hide my face that was probably now turning red from embarrassment.

"I...Y-yeah...Sure..."

"Really?"

I sighed; it was amazing how much of an idiot he could be sometimes.

"I-I said yes didn't I?"

"I'm so happy! Oh and Lovi?"

"Yeah?"

"You look just like a tomato!"

"Would you stop calling me a fucking tomato!?"

"But Lovi your face is so red! You look just like one!"

I sighed yet again, this would be interesting. In the middle of my thoughts, my stomach growled. Most likely because I haven't eaten much in about 3 days. He laughed and grabbed my hand once again, leading me downstairs to the kitchen. It was the first time I ever talked to someone other than my brother. And for a while. Just a little while…I forgot about everything, the beatings, and the cuts and of course Francis.

Before I even realized it, it was night time. Antonio offered to drive me home and soon enough we pulled into the driveway of my house.

"Bye Lovi!"

he started to pull out of the driveway.

"Antonio!"

"Si?"

"I love you too…"

I turned around running to the front door and going inside, I was greeted by the sight of broken wine bottles everywhere.

_Crap…_

"Well I see you're finally home."

"Yeah, I stopped somewhere before heading home."

"Liar."

I froze.

"You know Feli told me you left school early today."


End file.
